Tag Archives: Support from loved ones

See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.

Throughout my life, I’ve developed a very firm belief on this matter: If it is big to you, then it is a big problem. We are composed of so many chemicals that the slightest change can drastically alter us in ways that are unimaginable. We humans have developed for thousands of years at this point, but only in relative recent history have we started to live the way we do in buildings with very little activity required. Truly, the majority of the dangers that our ancestors went through are just non-existent now. Granted, we have our own new worries and dangers, but they are seldom as physically pressing.

The point of this intro is to highlight that we have evolved into who we are today, our bodies have not evolved to realize that some of the problems and pain that we go through may be trivial. Our body reacts as if everytime we are in a stressful situation or a mentally painful one, that it is very serious.

Obviously, there are problems that people, and children more often than adults will go through and they will react as if it is the most terrible thing that could ever have happened. Whereas, any reasonable adult will likely see that it is in fact, not a big deal. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually a really big deal to the person involved. We have no way of being inside someone else’s head at any time for any reason, which means we have to trust people to a certain extent whether we want to or not.

A teenager going through the stages of breakup can feel a pain that feels very powerful and to them, it will be just as painful as someone else losing their loved one of some odd years of marriage. These things, are NOT the same. But, when it comes down to it, it might well feel the same. And this is before the person who has lost a loved one receives the support from other loved ones and the teenager is scoffed at for being upset over their recent loss. If they weren’t comparable beforehand, they certainly are after. Too often do I see that teenagers are given salt from their family’s and friends instead of helping them as most would do in what we consider a major event. Truly, it causes so many problems in the teenager when all it would take to let them know that it matters is just a few minutes of your time to listen to them.

But, all that aside.

The title of today’s post is “See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.”

Simply put, you can always try to walk in someone else’s shoes, as we all should at some point. But you cannot see the world as they see it. You may only experience a fraction of what they do to hope to understand some of what their life is. There is no way for me to go through everything you do in a day and have anywhere near the same reaction. But, I can have a better understanding of why you do the things you do if I’ve done so.

The world is filled with great and terrible things, people who want to help, people needing help, and the two put together. In order to help people, you must always be prepared to listen to everything they are saying and genuinely care about their problem and making them feel better.

If your goal is simply: FEEL BETTER

That won’t work, you’re going to have to help someone with THEIR problem. Which, might just be that they lost their pink balloon to the vicious winds. It might also be that they’ve lost a close family member. The interesting thing to note about both of these examples: Most people don’t know what to say for either event!

It’s so easy to get tunnel vision when presented with something we see as trivial or detrimental, even though both problems can only have the same response. Genuinely listen, genuinely care, and just be there for them. Sometimes a new balloon can help, sometimes reminiscing with old movies may help. You never know, each person is different, and they see the world with an entirely different set of eyes. Even if you’re both wearing the same shoes. (If you both have the same problem.) Everything will be different for them than it was for you.

You can experience the exact same things as I have from birth, without any deviation from each-other, and yet you and I might be completely different people.

I’m so lost. What’s the point of this post?

The point of this post is this:

Everyone has a different world that they live in, even though we all live together in this one. No matter how you look at it, and no matter your intentions for someone else, the same problem/solution for you will have an entirely different outcome for someone else. So don’t try and approach everyone with the exact same train of thought. In order to be a people person, in order to help people, to make them smile, you must always approach people with an open mind and be willing to listen to them. Remember who they are, they are a unique person who you have not met. Even if they have all the same experiences as you do, they are not you.

A parting question if you’ll indulge:

Have you ever had tried to walk a day in someone else’s shoes? What was the outcome?

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Keep Moving Forward

Here’s a short story to highlight what  I spoke  about in my previous post

My name is Derek, I come from the land of nowhere and everywhere. I have a small family of four, they’re great and they’re awful. Truth be told, there isn’t any other family I’d rather have. In the same moment that I couldn’t be happier with them, I couldn’t be more frustrated. I work at LS Factory, its about five blocks from my house on the direct route, and about seven if I lollygag and take a longer walk for the fresh air. I leave to work at five in the morning and I get back around five or six in the evening. Whenever I go to work I get the dreaded feeling of nothingness, and whenever I walk home I feel the urge to try something new and just go for it despite my worries! But, I’m just Derek. A 25 year old guy, this is my future. At least, that’s what I thought until as I was walking home, on a Wednesday evening for the facts, I had a bit of a revelation you could say.

Derek being entirely fictional, has what many would consider to be a typical lifestyle, and a typical day. Financially he needs for little but has much for want. Truly, someone other than Derek could be very happy. But, that is not the life that Derek had wanted. I’m sure so many of you are also finding yourselves in the repetitive motions from which you desperately want to move forward. But right now you’re stagnant, staying still in the same motion day in and day out. Does this sound something like your day to day?

Many of us certainly wish to get to our dream jobs, live in our dream locations, and just keep moving forward. But for whatever reasons, the majority of us stop moving when we get to what we feel is a safe place in our lives.

You need to question if you are happy with where you are  in your life right now. Are you employed unhappily? Are you unemployed? Are you a parent who wishes to get more out of  life? There are a great many questions to be asked, and they must be asked before a problem can be resolved. After all, how can you hope to fix a problem you don’t know exists? The answer is that you cannot. Thankfully, these sorts of problems aren’t hard to spot once you tune into yourself for a moment.  So, before we proceed further, I’d like you to ponder a few questions.

  • Do you live where you want to live?
  • Do you have a career or a job that you love?
  • Are you happy with your home’s decorations?
  • Are you happy with how you  feel physically?
  • Do you find yourself wanting but not letting yourself want?
  • Do you ever tell yourself that you “Can’t” or “Won’t ever”
  • When is the last time you just watched the sunset/sunrise? Can you remember?

Nothing in your life is wrong, always remember that. You are in charge of the direction you go, you choose where you live, and you choose how to respond to the situations that arise in your life. Everything is your responsibility in your life. This is the same rule that I’ve lived by for quite some time, and once I started living my life with everything being my responsibility, my quality of life improved.

*To clarify: Everything in my life is my responsibility, but that does not mean that I micro-manage everything in my life. It means that at all times, I am able to respond to the goings on of my life. I may not respond perfectly, but I am always prepared to respond to a changing situation in my life because it is my responsibility to do so. The course of my life is dictated by me for better or worse entirely. 100%. As long as you accept that, your life will always be for the better. 

Once you’ve decided to fully accept responsibility for your life and where you are, you’ll be able to move forward. You’ve by now taken a moment to check where you are in life. If you’re happy where you are, then I am very happy for you!  But if you’re not happy, or if you’re happy but not where you’d like to be in life, then you know its time to move forward.

To move forward, one must simply take the first step. It’s always the hardest. It’s hard to leave the life to which you’ve grown accustomed even if you’re unhappy with it. It’s difficult to start looking for your dream job. However, life has a way of testing us to make sure that we’re ready. The harder it is, the better the payoff will be.

You’re always going to be your biggest opposition. Nobody else can slow you down once you get started with your dream. Assuming you and I have this in common, you’ve given yourself a plethora of excuses as to why you shouldn’t upset your established order, and why you shouldn’t go after your dream. If you want to move forward with your life and keep striving towards what makes you happiest in life, then its time to do away with those excuses. They’re not helping anyone. If you have a husband/wife/children they’ll support you. Financially, things are always more difficult during change. But change is a beautiful thing. Without change we’d never find out so many of the great things in life that we love. I was able to meet my amazing fiancee because of a series of life changes that both of us went through. Being afraid of the unknown is totally normal, but you should never let your fears cripple you. You are in control of your life, you control how your fears affect you, you control the course of your life. You are outstanding! Don’t forget that.

So, the best advice I can give you today for this?

Go out and realize your dreams.

You will be great at what you love to do, the road to get to where you want to be may be difficult, but don’t lose faith in yourself. While you can be your own worst enemy, you are also your greatest ally. You know what you want, you know how much you want it, and you know what will make you happy. We live in a world where our greatest restriction is our own mind, let yourself free of those shackles and go for what you want. You’ll have to fully dedicate yourself to whats really important to you as you do this though.

Success has Costs

You’ll be successful the more you press for your dreams, and the harder you try the better you’ll be. And the more successful you get, the more likely it is that you’ll meet resistance from people you knew as friends. Don’t take this personally. More often than not when someone is overly critical or tries to make you feel bad for your success they are just upset about where they are. They haven’t taken the steps to move forward in their own lives. You may lose friends as you become more successful, it happens. But you’ll keep the real friends you have, and you’ll most likely gain new friends related to your field.

Keep in mind whats going to change before you make drastic changes in your life, discuss it with your family. Its unlikely that people won’t support you, but it makes it easier for people to support you if they know what you’re trying to accomplish. They know and love you, they have faith that you’ll be great at your passion.

I went home that evening and spoke with my family. I told them that I couldn’t be happy if I lived the rest of my life working at the factory, I knew that working there was safe for the right now, and that it brought in enough money to help us survive. But it was leaving me empty inside. After explaining with my family for awhile how working there was taking its toll on me, they seemed to understand. But they were hesitant about my plans for the future. I told them how it was my dream to build the new skyscrapers and to design buildings. I’d always dreamed of being an architect, and that I was going to give it my all to get the appropriate degrees and start a new career. Better now than later. I’d try to keep my job at the factory with reduced hours to keep an income while I went to school. My family supported me and they were very happy that I was pursuing what makes me happy. I was nervous that my family wouldn’t support me, but my family wants me to be happy and they’ll support me through thick and thin. I feel as though the air I breathe is cleaner now that I’m moving towards my career goal.

Be kind, do something nice for a stranger today.

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