Tag Archives: Self-esteem

See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.


Throughout my life, I’ve developed a very firm belief on this matter: If it is big to you, then it is a big problem. We are composed of so many chemicals that the slightest change can drastically alter us in ways that are unimaginable. We humans have developed for thousands of years at this point, but only in relative recent history have we started to live the way we do in buildings with very little activity required. Truly, the majority of the dangers that our ancestors went through are just non-existent now. Granted, we have our own new worries and dangers, but they are seldom as physically pressing.

The point of this intro is to highlight that we have evolved into who we are today, our bodies have not evolved to realize that some of the problems and pain that we go through may be trivial. Our body reacts as if everytime we are in a stressful situation or a mentally painful one, that it is very serious.

Obviously, there are problems that people, and children more often than adults will go through and they will react as if it is the most terrible thing that could ever have happened. Whereas, any reasonable adult will likely see that it is in fact, not a big deal. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually a really big deal to the person involved. We have no way of being inside someone else’s head at any time for any reason, which means we have to trust people to a certain extent whether we want to or not.

A teenager going through the stages of breakup can feel a pain that feels very powerful and to them, it will be just as painful as someone else losing their loved one of some odd years of marriage. These things, are NOT the same. But, when it comes down to it, it might well feel the same. And this is before the person who has lost a loved one receives the support from other loved ones and the teenager is scoffed at for being upset over their recent loss. If they weren’t comparable beforehand, they certainly are after. Too often do I see that teenagers are given salt from their family’s and friends instead of helping them as most would do in what we consider a major event. Truly, it causes so many problems in the teenager when all it would take to let them know that it matters is just a few minutes of your time to listen to them.

But, all that aside.

The title of today’s post is “See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.”

Simply put, you can always try to walk in someone else’s shoes, as we all should at some point. But you cannot see the world as they see it. You may only experience a fraction of what they do to hope to understand some of what their life is. There is no way for me to go through everything you do in a day and have anywhere near the same reaction. But, I can have a better understanding of why you do the things you do if I’ve done so.

The world is filled with great and terrible things, people who want to help, people needing help, and the two put together. In order to help people, you must always be prepared to listen to everything they are saying and genuinely care about their problem and making them feel better.

If your goal is simply: FEEL BETTER

That won’t work, you’re going to have to help someone with THEIR problem. Which, might just be that they lost their pink balloon to the vicious winds. It might also be that they’ve lost a close family member. The interesting thing to note about both of these examples: Most people don’t know what to say for either event!

It’s so easy to get tunnel vision when presented with something we see as trivial or detrimental, even though both problems can only have the same response. Genuinely listen, genuinely care, and just be there for them. Sometimes a new balloon can help, sometimes reminiscing with old movies may help. You never know, each person is different, and they see the world with an entirely different set of eyes. Even if you’re both wearing the same shoes. (If you both have the same problem.) Everything will be different for them than it was for you.

You can experience the exact same things as I have from birth, without any deviation from each-other, and yet you and I might be completely different people.

I’m so lost. What’s the point of this post?

The point of this post is this:

Everyone has a different world that they live in, even though we all live together in this one. No matter how you look at it, and no matter your intentions for someone else, the same problem/solution for you will have an entirely different outcome for someone else. So don’t try and approach everyone with the exact same train of thought. In order to be a people person, in order to help people, to make them smile, you must always approach people with an open mind and be willing to listen to them. Remember who they are, they are a unique person who you have not met. Even if they have all the same experiences as you do, they are not you.

A parting question if you’ll indulge:

Have you ever had tried to walk a day in someone else’s shoes? What was the outcome?

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Depression


The original slogan for my blog was “under-spoken topics at a glance” (or something very similar, my memory is hazy on the matter). I feel that depression is too often spoken about by people who know nothing about it. Which, in a way, means that it is always spoken about and yet never discussed.

There are people all over the world telling you the right way and the wrong way of dealing with depression and the right way and the wrong way of dealing with loved ones that are suffering from depression. It is a very difficult situation to be in for either party, and the last thing you want to be told is that you’re doing everything wrong. (Granted when you are doing something incorrectly, you do need to be made aware.)

This post is not for identifying whether or not you are depressed or suffer from depression. If you feel that you are, I urge you to seek help from family members as well as medical professionals.

Based on what I’ve come across in my lifetime, I’ve found that there are a few methods that assist in lessening the pain that bursts of depression can bring. These methods may or may not be popular, but they have worked in most cases that I’ve come across.

To assist someone who is depressed due to a seemingly random burst of depression:

  • Change gears with whatever is going on. You most likely don’t know what triggered the burst, but if you just entirely change whats going on around you and whomever is depressed, you are likely to avert a meltdown.
  • Maintain visual presence. To do this is somewhat difficult for both parties for different reasons. But it will be worth it in the long run. Sometimes it is helpful just to know that someone else is there. It assists in keeping the despair to a minimum.
  • Talk about irrelevant topics, this can help with keeping their mind occupied on mundane topics that aren’t likely to cause any stress, which in turn keeps their mind off of the X factor that caused the sudden depression.
  • If you’re a brave one and feel you know the person well, I suggest talking about problems they are having that you can help them resolve. (Please note, helping them resolve and resolving for them are two totally different things.)
  • Depending  on the person, suggesting an activity they enjoy could do the trick. Just make sure it isn’t something that has any negative attachments. (Ex: If the depressed person fears they overweight, you wouldn’t want to suggest baking a huge cake.)
  • Sometimes it helps to just listen. In my experience, people who are prone to explosive bursts of depression most likely keep the majority of their problems to themselves. This means they most likely don’t voice any of their problems and as a result may grow to feel that they should not. It can help the person greatly if you are just able to listen to them and make them recognize that their problems are important.

These are just a few things that have worked for me over the years when I have had to assist people with bursts of depression, but every person is different. My suggestion is to use this as more of a general guideline than a specific instruction.

Something to be aware of when assisting someone who is suffering from a bout of depression (this will obviously vary between people but is very common all the same): Be aware that, when dealing with someone with any level of depression, they are likely to create the most negative possible wording or understanding of anything you say. So, unless you are very good with your wording or are confident of your ability to assist someone, prolonged speech on your part is not suggested. Try to keep anything that you say to someone in a depressed state to a low word count. This will help you choose your words and have more impact.

And that’s all for today’s post! Hope everybody is having a great day.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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Love


So, it’s come to this. The time when we have “The Talk”. No, I kid. Sorry to set anyone back however many years to that time when their parent… Ah. Nevermind.

Today I want to talk to you about something that is in all of our lives, affects us all, and yet most of us actually know very little about. I want to talk to you about love. Love can be one of the most amazing feelings in the world with a plethora of good things that accompany the good feeling. Some of us may spend our entire lives looking for it, some of us spend our entire lives studying it, some of us live a life enjoying the love we have. No matter how you think about it, love has touched your life in some way. It feels good to be loved, it feels good to give love. Love is a very good thing.

Before you can love  though, you need to be able to love yourself. There are a wide variety of feelings that I might mention in another post later, but for now, I’ll just say a blanket statement. If you do not love yourself, any feeling that you will have for someone else will not be everything it can be.  Love is a very important thing. You can love yourself, you can love your family, friends, pets, world, country, town, and just about anything you can imagine. But you won’t be able to love anything fully or feel deserving of the love you receive if you can’t first love yourself.

Think of it this way: If you can’t love yourself, everything you do has been essentially cut down by a percent number. Lets say 25% for now. (That percent is based on nothing. It is only there for the sake of continuing discussion.) You love your (insert noun here) but there are always things you won’t be willing to do, conversations that won’t happen, fears you have, etc. It can be anything, and it can very simply be that you just aren’t giving your all. You are who you are, and before anyone or anything else can experience the full power of your love, you need to be able to love yourself. Accept who you are, respect who you are, love who you are, and then you can really give your love in its fullest potential where it is deserved.

Once you’ve fully accepted yourself for who you are and you genuinely love yourself, the second step would be to make sure that you can accept someone else’s love. It’s easier said than done, but a necessary step. If you were to simply love someone/something but you couldn’t ever accept that they love you the same way that you love them then there would inevitably be problems at some point. They might be small at first, but such things will always escalate if left untended. Letting someone else love you is a step that must be taken after you have first loved yourself. If you do not love yourself, you won’t be able to let someone love you. Your mind will just turn against you in some sort of fashion similar to, “I don’t love me, how can this person love me?” Don’t do that. You are who you are, you are unique in your own fashion and you are worthy of love. Everyone is worthy of love. So don’t let yourself or anyone else say otherwise.

The third part of this process is to give love. It can feel amazing when you give love. There are so many powerful emotions and they are all very focused.

“It CAN feel amazing.” What do you mean by that?

Well, I mean it can. As in, there is a good chance that it will feel amazing. But, if you give your love where it is not deserved then it will not feel as good. In fact, there are some situations out there where giving your love when it isn’t deserved can be dangerous to your health. A popular celebrity couple comes to mind on that matter, actually. Such good role models. With celebrities being kind enough to show us the dangerous side of what can happen when you give love where it isn’t deserved, the point is made rather clearly. Always make sure that when you are giving your love to someone it is to someone you respect who respects you in return. The ideal situation will be a mutually beneficial relationship. This doesn’t only mean between partners, but in general. For example:

You love nature, you water your plants and enjoy the smell and the sight of them. In return, you are given pleasing and relaxing scenery as well as scents. Maybe this is a weak example, but it makes the point. It is a mutually beneficial relationship.

In a relationship where one person/thing is harming the other, this is obviously unhealthy. This would be a situation where love is not deserved or just plainly shouldn’t be given.

I already know about avoiding bad relationships. What can you teach me about good relationships? About real love?

Well, here’s something that may surprise many of you.

Being in love and allowing love into your life can be very healthy for you, not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically as well!

Being in love can do so many things for you! I’ll just give you a short list to show you some of the wonderful things it can do.

  • People in love have been found to have higher life expectancy. (Source) 
  • They are happier. (Myself,and  Source )
  • The intense feeling of being in love has similar effects to heavy pain medications. You will actually feel less pain! (Cool Fact: The study of how love affects the brain has created a field in neuroscience  to try and create better pain relieving drugs.) (Source) 
  • Love makes you healthier overall. Various studies have taken into consideration the differences in eating habits and all other variables that happen from person to person. The overall consensus is that Love in its own right makes your body function better. (Source)
  • People who are in love are typically more successful in financial ventures.
Don’t let this small list fool you, though. The benefits that love give us are infinite. We have only just begun to study what love does to our body. Everything we are discovering about love and how it effects us has only been good. In life, there is almost always a negative side to everything. With love, this is only partially true. The negative side of love comes when there is a loss, but the emotional feeling of love itself  has no negative drawbacks. It can only make you happier and healthier.

But, like I mentioned a moment ago, things happen in life that we cannot control that cause us to no longer be in love, or we lose loved ones as they pass on. There are various reasons for why a loving relationship may end. There have been a number of studies done on what happens when people are not in love or when the object/person of their affection is no longer with them. The negative effects are fairly large in number and vary greatly. But I put together another list to highlight a few of the common problems.

  • Serious depression
  • Physical Pain (Source)
  • Loneliness (Source) 
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Interestingly enough, being in love causes the same chemical release as OCD hence why some people are literally obsessed with their partners [Source] )
  • Increased likeliness of heart attack and heart failures (This happens more so during a mourning period) (Source)
  • Clogged arteries
  • Overall lower life expectancy (Source) 

With all of this taken into consideration, it is an obviously good thing to be in love and to give your love. It’s important to love yourself, important to let others love you, and important to make sure you love those that deserve your love. Remember and remember well: You are who you are, you will love who and what you will. Love needs mutual respect, mutual kindness, love needs a mutually beneficial relationship to exist. When you have love, you will not need to ask what love is. You will not need to ask anyone what you feel, you will know. Be passionate. Be who you are. Live, love, and be happy.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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St. Patrick’s Day


Today’s post may not be entirely filled with “Life Instructions”. At least, not directly. Honoring St. Patrick’s Day I decided to use some quotes I know and talk about them a bit. I’d love to see your comments on the quotes given or any other good ones that you’ve come across.

“May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.”

With St. Patrick’s Day in mind the quote is, of course, Irish. Some may say that this a drinking toast, whereas other’s see it as a blessing. It is all the same well intended. This quote is certainly up there with one of my favorites that I’ve come across to date. I’m especially fond of the third verse for reasons not entirely known to me. The idea of wishing for someone to be in heaven with such a high level of safety is a nice thought, but when said so well it leaves me searching for words to describe how much I like it.

 It’s easy to be pleasant when life flows by like a song.

But the man worth while is the one who can smile

When everything goes dead wrong.

For the test of the heart is trouble and it always comes with years.

And the smile that is worth the praises of the earth

Is the smile that shines through the tears.

Another quote that is truly inspiring. When we truly wish to listen the smallest amount of words can more often than not speak volumes. I am happy to say that half of my blood comes from the Irish. Wisdom can be found everywhere you cease to look, the Irish are no exception. So, if you’re in America remember that it isn’t all about drinking. Be true to yourself, be a good person. Stand up to the storms of time and come through it all a better person.

Be kind to those that meet you as you rise, you may pass them again as you fall.

 Yet another Irish proverb that speaks for itself. These are the sort of quotes that we all know somewhere inside of ourselves, but until we see them directly in front of us, some of us forget these simple lessons. You will have great times as well as terrible times in your life, and when you rise there will always be a time where you fall. There is never a bad time to be nice to someone for no reason, and it is always a bad time to be mean to anyone despite your reasons. The satisfaction you may get from being mean will never outweigh the overall cost it has on yourself.

 May your home always be too small to hold all your friends.  

 This quote, like the others above, is very interesting to me. It again is a quote that speaks volumes and yet says so little. I came across another blog actually that had dedicated an entire post to this quote. So, if you follow this link you’ll be able to read all about this quote from someone else’s point of view.

May the best day of your past be the worst day of your future.

Life will always be a difficult place if we are not able to free ourselves from the artificial worries we have created for ourselves. You can be the most “successful” person in the world and still be having bad days all the time. Free yourself, be who you are. Live your life and make this quote come true. I say this to you, and I hope that you give this blessing to all those you care for. May the best of your days past be the worst of the days to come. Live happy, and live well.

Be kind everyone, do something nice because it’s nice. Good people are good because that is who they are, I like to finish these posts asking you to Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger because it’s something that everyone and all of us should do. Truly, kindness can be in the simplest of actions, you need not put yourself at any time related disadvantage to help someone.

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The Leaping Wiggly Wednesday


It’s Wiggly Wednesday!

Hey there folks, today is CMS’s second Wiggly Wednesday post. So I thought I’d let everyone know the reason for Wiggly Wednesdays has to do with my personal philosophy. I believe that wherever you are, whoever you are, and no matter what you are doing, you must always have some wiggle room. Life needs it, for the overworked person the reasons are obvious for why they’d want some wiggle room. But everyone needs it, the student who works everyday on any variety of things. The list that could potentially be made of all the things that anyone does is astronomical. (The list of excuses as to why people cannot allow themselves wiggle room is twice as long if not more-so.)

Don't wait

Every second is a chance to turn your life around there will never be a bad time to change things up and start incorporating those wiggle times.

I need wiggle room, and I create it! There are plenty of things that need my attention, as are there plenty of things that need your attention. We’ll never be able to do anything with our best potential if we can’t take a moment to relax.

Wiggle.

This image here appears to not want to be linked, so feel free to check out our source here

The overall idea: Be happy, don’t restrict yourself to always working. Obviously you need to have priorities and know what to do and when to do it. But that doesn’t mean that you should let yourself work 24/7. Nobody is meant to live that way, you need to give yourself time to pamper yourself, or just do something silly that might be considered a waste of time. Live your life, do what you want to do just for you every once in awhile. It might feel strange for those of you that are particularly time strained workers. But everything in live improves with a bit of wiggle time. Just leap into it! Especially today, since it’s February 29th. You only get to leap in on this Wiggly Wednesday once in a very great while. In fact, the next leap year that will take place on a Wednesday will not be until 2040! =] So there’s a fun fact for you to enjoy on this, your Wiggly Wednesday.

Be kind, do something nice for a stranger today.

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