Tag Archives: Help

Do what you can, where others cannot.


Today’s post is slightly different than the standard posts here on complicatedmadesimple. But, it follows the same idea in principle.

Everything can be complicated if we choose to make it so, but when it comes down to it it’s all simple. Just trying to help make the complicated simple.

There are many things in life that are difficult for everyone to do, and there are many things that only few people can do. Typically, the people that are able to do these things are the only ones who can. To give you an idea to what I’m referencing, I’ll list a few known careers/life choices that some people make where others are simply unable to do. The choice is there, but only for some.

  • Firefighter (Also Paramedic. Typically the first goes with the second. )
  • Swat Team
  • Military
  • Teacher
  • Fisherman
  • Freighter Captain
  • Truck Driver
  • Photographer
  • Surgeon
  • Coroner
  • President/Large scale leader

And many many more. These are but just a few jobs/life choices that people make that others are unable to make. Some of these may seem obvious, some not. But they are all jobs that not everyone can do, no matter how much academic training is received all of these jobs require something within the individual that isn’t universal.

A Firefighter/Paramedic must be brave, willing to risk their life to make a difference in the lives of others. They must be kind, they must understand and obey the law, they must be willing to drop everything they’re doing to get a cat out of the tree and they must be willing to deal with nearly just as much as a doctor does. Truly, a Firefighter/Paramedic is the world’s serviceperson.

The military and the Swat Team I feel are self explanatory. These people put their lives on the line for various reasons, and they must be able to trust that those leading them wouldn’t have them doing anything unnecessarily dangerous. Truly, these people need to be prepared to put their lives on the line every single day and they may never see their families again at any given moment. 

A Teacher must be kind, patient, and well learned. This sounds simple and purely academic. And truly, when someone is prepared to undertake the amount of academics required to be a teacher at any grade than it is likely that this person also is patient and has the general traits that one needs to be a teacher. But, beyond that scope a teacher must typically be prepared to be far from rich and in these days live with the constant lack of job security despite how needed they are. Teachers will also deal with all sorts of people/children with many different needs that the teacher must meet the majority of. Truly, a Teacher has an extremely demanding job with little material to show for it.

Fisher/Freighter Captain/Truck driver are all different demanding jobs in the way of skills, but in what they require uniquely from an individual they are much the same. All of these professions require you to be on the move constantly, and likely away from your family a good chunk of the year or just a good chunk of your life. These jobs in will always be needed in the foreseeable future, and yet these jobs are some of the most family/friend taxing jobs there are. In order to go after these sorts of jobs you must be prepared to be alone a lot of the time, and while you might make good money from these jobs you’ll have little time to enjoy it anywhere but in the same place you earn it. Truly, to have these professions and a family requires some finesse, well deserved if maintained.

Photographers need some exclusive individual ability that few of us actually possess as well. Many in the world may view Photographers as something that everyone with a smartphone or fancy camera can do. But that is not so, Photographers are much like firefighters in that they must be able to please people in all sorts of ways. Lately, as finances have gotten tight in the world Photographers have taken on the role of wedding planners, food coordinators, flower decorators, and so fourth. While these jobs are not what their profession dictates, it is something that they are very capable at doing. Photographers must be able to capture our timeless moments without us saying they’re going to happen. They need to be on time, they need to capture us getting ready, they need to capture our tears, our smiles, and our love. Photographers are expected to be able to do all of these things as they are happening in different rooms all at the same time. Truly, to be a Photographer is both a stressful job as much as it is rewarding. For everything they capture, you can bet there was the question in the back of their mind as to whether or not they missed something slightly to the left.

Surgeon/Coroner again, both need very similar things for academically very different fields. Both of these fields need you to be comfortable with opening up a person and putting everything as it needs to be. These people need to also be very kind and understanding as they are meeting people at either the day they’ve lost someone tragically, or on a terrifying day where they’re afraid they may lose someone. Surgeons/Coroners needs to be very kind people and at the same time be perfectly comfortable literally putting people back together. Truly, these people possess a job that in my opinion, very few possess the fortitude for.

Presidents/Major Leaders are obviously found few and far between. These people need more skills and characteristics that define them as an individual more-so than the majority of other people. These people need to be strategic, kind, charitable, ruthless, confident with leading others, and so many more characteristics. The difficult part is that all of these are needed within one person to some degree or another. But, these leaders also need to be able to appeal to hundreds of thousands and millions of people in order to effectively lead them. The President of the U.S.A for example needs to be able to properly convey ideas to other politicians in order to get certain bills passed that the President believes to be vital/important. Truly, being a president is a very taxing job. This much is obvious, given that at any moment a small decision and seemingly unimportant can change the lives of millions of other people.

But, please keep in mind these are just a few of those life choices/careers that people choose to take that not everyone can choose to do. When it comes down to it, if you are one of those people that can do something that others cannot, you already know. You always have a choice as to what you do with your abilities, like we always do in life. But, as I am one of those people. The decision for me to do what others cannot is as clear to me as my deciding to not break the law on a daily basis. The option exists in reality for me to be something other than what I am, but to me it is a black and white decision. Like I choose to not break the law because to do so would be something that conflicts with everything I am, I choose to follow the path of a Firefighter/Paramedic to make a difference in other peoples lives where others cannot.

There are so many needed professions in the world that only a select few people can do. If you are one of those people that are sitting at home waiting for your 9-5 shift to start, ask yourself. Who am I? Am I the retail salesperson, or am I denying myself the fulfillment taking on that job other people can’t do. Doing what needs to be done because I am able, because it is who I am.

We all have things in life that fit us naturally, it is how the world and society work. These professions didn’t appear exclusively out of their necessity. People chose to do these jobs well before they were established in society. The academic material is out in the world for us to learn how to do what we are capable of without the risk our ancestors had to deal with. I can’t think of any reason that someone would want to be anything less than they are. Don’t hold yourself back.

My advice related to this post:

You are a natural at something, there is a talent, there is a field, there is a career that is your calling. When employers list the qualities needed in a person, when you go to that person or when you expect something of someone for a job. Those qualities are everything that you are. Go out into the world and live yourself, do what you were born to do.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.


Throughout my life, I’ve developed a very firm belief on this matter: If it is big to you, then it is a big problem. We are composed of so many chemicals that the slightest change can drastically alter us in ways that are unimaginable. We humans have developed for thousands of years at this point, but only in relative recent history have we started to live the way we do in buildings with very little activity required. Truly, the majority of the dangers that our ancestors went through are just non-existent now. Granted, we have our own new worries and dangers, but they are seldom as physically pressing.

The point of this intro is to highlight that we have evolved into who we are today, our bodies have not evolved to realize that some of the problems and pain that we go through may be trivial. Our body reacts as if everytime we are in a stressful situation or a mentally painful one, that it is very serious.

Obviously, there are problems that people, and children more often than adults will go through and they will react as if it is the most terrible thing that could ever have happened. Whereas, any reasonable adult will likely see that it is in fact, not a big deal. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually a really big deal to the person involved. We have no way of being inside someone else’s head at any time for any reason, which means we have to trust people to a certain extent whether we want to or not.

A teenager going through the stages of breakup can feel a pain that feels very powerful and to them, it will be just as painful as someone else losing their loved one of some odd years of marriage. These things, are NOT the same. But, when it comes down to it, it might well feel the same. And this is before the person who has lost a loved one receives the support from other loved ones and the teenager is scoffed at for being upset over their recent loss. If they weren’t comparable beforehand, they certainly are after. Too often do I see that teenagers are given salt from their family’s and friends instead of helping them as most would do in what we consider a major event. Truly, it causes so many problems in the teenager when all it would take to let them know that it matters is just a few minutes of your time to listen to them.

But, all that aside.

The title of today’s post is “See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.”

Simply put, you can always try to walk in someone else’s shoes, as we all should at some point. But you cannot see the world as they see it. You may only experience a fraction of what they do to hope to understand some of what their life is. There is no way for me to go through everything you do in a day and have anywhere near the same reaction. But, I can have a better understanding of why you do the things you do if I’ve done so.

The world is filled with great and terrible things, people who want to help, people needing help, and the two put together. In order to help people, you must always be prepared to listen to everything they are saying and genuinely care about their problem and making them feel better.

If your goal is simply: FEEL BETTER

That won’t work, you’re going to have to help someone with THEIR problem. Which, might just be that they lost their pink balloon to the vicious winds. It might also be that they’ve lost a close family member. The interesting thing to note about both of these examples: Most people don’t know what to say for either event!

It’s so easy to get tunnel vision when presented with something we see as trivial or detrimental, even though both problems can only have the same response. Genuinely listen, genuinely care, and just be there for them. Sometimes a new balloon can help, sometimes reminiscing with old movies may help. You never know, each person is different, and they see the world with an entirely different set of eyes. Even if you’re both wearing the same shoes. (If you both have the same problem.) Everything will be different for them than it was for you.

You can experience the exact same things as I have from birth, without any deviation from each-other, and yet you and I might be completely different people.

I’m so lost. What’s the point of this post?

The point of this post is this:

Everyone has a different world that they live in, even though we all live together in this one. No matter how you look at it, and no matter your intentions for someone else, the same problem/solution for you will have an entirely different outcome for someone else. So don’t try and approach everyone with the exact same train of thought. In order to be a people person, in order to help people, to make them smile, you must always approach people with an open mind and be willing to listen to them. Remember who they are, they are a unique person who you have not met. Even if they have all the same experiences as you do, they are not you.

A parting question if you’ll indulge:

Have you ever had tried to walk a day in someone else’s shoes? What was the outcome?

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Depression


The original slogan for my blog was “under-spoken topics at a glance” (or something very similar, my memory is hazy on the matter). I feel that depression is too often spoken about by people who know nothing about it. Which, in a way, means that it is always spoken about and yet never discussed.

There are people all over the world telling you the right way and the wrong way of dealing with depression and the right way and the wrong way of dealing with loved ones that are suffering from depression. It is a very difficult situation to be in for either party, and the last thing you want to be told is that you’re doing everything wrong. (Granted when you are doing something incorrectly, you do need to be made aware.)

This post is not for identifying whether or not you are depressed or suffer from depression. If you feel that you are, I urge you to seek help from family members as well as medical professionals.

Based on what I’ve come across in my lifetime, I’ve found that there are a few methods that assist in lessening the pain that bursts of depression can bring. These methods may or may not be popular, but they have worked in most cases that I’ve come across.

To assist someone who is depressed due to a seemingly random burst of depression:

  • Change gears with whatever is going on. You most likely don’t know what triggered the burst, but if you just entirely change whats going on around you and whomever is depressed, you are likely to avert a meltdown.
  • Maintain visual presence. To do this is somewhat difficult for both parties for different reasons. But it will be worth it in the long run. Sometimes it is helpful just to know that someone else is there. It assists in keeping the despair to a minimum.
  • Talk about irrelevant topics, this can help with keeping their mind occupied on mundane topics that aren’t likely to cause any stress, which in turn keeps their mind off of the X factor that caused the sudden depression.
  • If you’re a brave one and feel you know the person well, I suggest talking about problems they are having that you can help them resolve. (Please note, helping them resolve and resolving for them are two totally different things.)
  • Depending  on the person, suggesting an activity they enjoy could do the trick. Just make sure it isn’t something that has any negative attachments. (Ex: If the depressed person fears they overweight, you wouldn’t want to suggest baking a huge cake.)
  • Sometimes it helps to just listen. In my experience, people who are prone to explosive bursts of depression most likely keep the majority of their problems to themselves. This means they most likely don’t voice any of their problems and as a result may grow to feel that they should not. It can help the person greatly if you are just able to listen to them and make them recognize that their problems are important.

These are just a few things that have worked for me over the years when I have had to assist people with bursts of depression, but every person is different. My suggestion is to use this as more of a general guideline than a specific instruction.

Something to be aware of when assisting someone who is suffering from a bout of depression (this will obviously vary between people but is very common all the same): Be aware that, when dealing with someone with any level of depression, they are likely to create the most negative possible wording or understanding of anything you say. So, unless you are very good with your wording or are confident of your ability to assist someone, prolonged speech on your part is not suggested. Try to keep anything that you say to someone in a depressed state to a low word count. This will help you choose your words and have more impact.

And that’s all for today’s post! Hope everybody is having a great day.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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Love


So, it’s come to this. The time when we have “The Talk”. No, I kid. Sorry to set anyone back however many years to that time when their parent… Ah. Nevermind.

Today I want to talk to you about something that is in all of our lives, affects us all, and yet most of us actually know very little about. I want to talk to you about love. Love can be one of the most amazing feelings in the world with a plethora of good things that accompany the good feeling. Some of us may spend our entire lives looking for it, some of us spend our entire lives studying it, some of us live a life enjoying the love we have. No matter how you think about it, love has touched your life in some way. It feels good to be loved, it feels good to give love. Love is a very good thing.

Before you can love  though, you need to be able to love yourself. There are a wide variety of feelings that I might mention in another post later, but for now, I’ll just say a blanket statement. If you do not love yourself, any feeling that you will have for someone else will not be everything it can be.  Love is a very important thing. You can love yourself, you can love your family, friends, pets, world, country, town, and just about anything you can imagine. But you won’t be able to love anything fully or feel deserving of the love you receive if you can’t first love yourself.

Think of it this way: If you can’t love yourself, everything you do has been essentially cut down by a percent number. Lets say 25% for now. (That percent is based on nothing. It is only there for the sake of continuing discussion.) You love your (insert noun here) but there are always things you won’t be willing to do, conversations that won’t happen, fears you have, etc. It can be anything, and it can very simply be that you just aren’t giving your all. You are who you are, and before anyone or anything else can experience the full power of your love, you need to be able to love yourself. Accept who you are, respect who you are, love who you are, and then you can really give your love in its fullest potential where it is deserved.

Once you’ve fully accepted yourself for who you are and you genuinely love yourself, the second step would be to make sure that you can accept someone else’s love. It’s easier said than done, but a necessary step. If you were to simply love someone/something but you couldn’t ever accept that they love you the same way that you love them then there would inevitably be problems at some point. They might be small at first, but such things will always escalate if left untended. Letting someone else love you is a step that must be taken after you have first loved yourself. If you do not love yourself, you won’t be able to let someone love you. Your mind will just turn against you in some sort of fashion similar to, “I don’t love me, how can this person love me?” Don’t do that. You are who you are, you are unique in your own fashion and you are worthy of love. Everyone is worthy of love. So don’t let yourself or anyone else say otherwise.

The third part of this process is to give love. It can feel amazing when you give love. There are so many powerful emotions and they are all very focused.

“It CAN feel amazing.” What do you mean by that?

Well, I mean it can. As in, there is a good chance that it will feel amazing. But, if you give your love where it is not deserved then it will not feel as good. In fact, there are some situations out there where giving your love when it isn’t deserved can be dangerous to your health. A popular celebrity couple comes to mind on that matter, actually. Such good role models. With celebrities being kind enough to show us the dangerous side of what can happen when you give love where it isn’t deserved, the point is made rather clearly. Always make sure that when you are giving your love to someone it is to someone you respect who respects you in return. The ideal situation will be a mutually beneficial relationship. This doesn’t only mean between partners, but in general. For example:

You love nature, you water your plants and enjoy the smell and the sight of them. In return, you are given pleasing and relaxing scenery as well as scents. Maybe this is a weak example, but it makes the point. It is a mutually beneficial relationship.

In a relationship where one person/thing is harming the other, this is obviously unhealthy. This would be a situation where love is not deserved or just plainly shouldn’t be given.

I already know about avoiding bad relationships. What can you teach me about good relationships? About real love?

Well, here’s something that may surprise many of you.

Being in love and allowing love into your life can be very healthy for you, not just emotionally and spiritually, but physically as well!

Being in love can do so many things for you! I’ll just give you a short list to show you some of the wonderful things it can do.

  • People in love have been found to have higher life expectancy. (Source) 
  • They are happier. (Myself,and  Source )
  • The intense feeling of being in love has similar effects to heavy pain medications. You will actually feel less pain! (Cool Fact: The study of how love affects the brain has created a field in neuroscience  to try and create better pain relieving drugs.) (Source) 
  • Love makes you healthier overall. Various studies have taken into consideration the differences in eating habits and all other variables that happen from person to person. The overall consensus is that Love in its own right makes your body function better. (Source)
  • People who are in love are typically more successful in financial ventures.
Don’t let this small list fool you, though. The benefits that love give us are infinite. We have only just begun to study what love does to our body. Everything we are discovering about love and how it effects us has only been good. In life, there is almost always a negative side to everything. With love, this is only partially true. The negative side of love comes when there is a loss, but the emotional feeling of love itself  has no negative drawbacks. It can only make you happier and healthier.

But, like I mentioned a moment ago, things happen in life that we cannot control that cause us to no longer be in love, or we lose loved ones as they pass on. There are various reasons for why a loving relationship may end. There have been a number of studies done on what happens when people are not in love or when the object/person of their affection is no longer with them. The negative effects are fairly large in number and vary greatly. But I put together another list to highlight a few of the common problems.

  • Serious depression
  • Physical Pain (Source)
  • Loneliness (Source) 
  • Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (Interestingly enough, being in love causes the same chemical release as OCD hence why some people are literally obsessed with their partners [Source] )
  • Increased likeliness of heart attack and heart failures (This happens more so during a mourning period) (Source)
  • Clogged arteries
  • Overall lower life expectancy (Source) 

With all of this taken into consideration, it is an obviously good thing to be in love and to give your love. It’s important to love yourself, important to let others love you, and important to make sure you love those that deserve your love. Remember and remember well: You are who you are, you will love who and what you will. Love needs mutual respect, mutual kindness, love needs a mutually beneficial relationship to exist. When you have love, you will not need to ask what love is. You will not need to ask anyone what you feel, you will know. Be passionate. Be who you are. Live, love, and be happy.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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Wiggly Wednesday


Get Your Wiggle On!

You know, I’ve been coming here awhile, reading these posts. And I find myself becoming slightly… Wiggly. Is this feeling natural?

Absitively! You know, it’s a great feeling when you let yourself Wiggle. It is such a great feeling in fact, I’ve dedicated a whole day every week to post about about it. Wiggly Wednesday. This week in particular I feel so very Wiggly that I decided to include the usage of phony words such as absitively!

Such things can be the very definition of Wiggling.

Wiggle away from the stress of your life. Allow yourself the Wiggle room that everyone needs, use a made up word, eat an entire pizza to yourself, play games for a day, relax in the sun for an afternoon and curl up with a good movie/book in the evening, do anything you’d like! Today is YOUR day to Wiggle!

Afraid to Wiggle? Afraid you won’t know how or what to do? Fear not! I have suggestions for you.

  • Play with your animal (dog, cat, jaguar, mountain lion, liger, pig, horse, zebra, guinea pig, ferret, bird, and so on. )
  • Relax in the sun for a day doing absolutely nothing
  • Read a book outside (In the shade or the sun!)
  • Play a friendly game or do a fun activity! (soccer, football, frisbee, tennis, lacrosse, baseball, tennis, hockey, fencing, basketball, bicycling, and much much more!)
  • Read a book with your children/spouse
  • Visit a museum/local attraction
  • Plant a tree!
  • Learn a fun fact about your neighborhood/town
  • Pick up a new magazine and see if you like it
  • Eat a meal you don’t let yourself normally have
  • Take some time off work to spruce and organize your office (or mess it up a little if it’s TOO organized!)

Those are just a few ideas for how to get your Wiggle on, there are so many options out there in the world for you. Let nothing stifle your Wiggle!

Speaking of organizing the office, I came across a delightful wall mount that will help you get organized while fulfilling that part of your soul that longs for some Wiggle. Behold! The Disorganized Organizer!

Neat Wall organizing tool.

As I’ve said before, Wiggling does not mean that you are a slacker.

It does not mean you don’t work hard.

Wiggling means quite simply and frankly

that you are you.

You are free to Wiggle.

-Wiggle-

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