Tag Archives: Acceptance

Do what you can, where others cannot.


Today’s post is slightly different than the standard posts here on complicatedmadesimple. But, it follows the same idea in principle.

Everything can be complicated if we choose to make it so, but when it comes down to it it’s all simple. Just trying to help make the complicated simple.

There are many things in life that are difficult for everyone to do, and there are many things that only few people can do. Typically, the people that are able to do these things are the only ones who can. To give you an idea to what I’m referencing, I’ll list a few known careers/life choices that some people make where others are simply unable to do. The choice is there, but only for some.

  • Firefighter (Also Paramedic. Typically the first goes with the second. )
  • Swat Team
  • Military
  • Teacher
  • Fisherman
  • Freighter Captain
  • Truck Driver
  • Photographer
  • Surgeon
  • Coroner
  • President/Large scale leader

And many many more. These are but just a few jobs/life choices that people make that others are unable to make. Some of these may seem obvious, some not. But they are all jobs that not everyone can do, no matter how much academic training is received all of these jobs require something within the individual that isn’t universal.

A Firefighter/Paramedic must be brave, willing to risk their life to make a difference in the lives of others. They must be kind, they must understand and obey the law, they must be willing to drop everything they’re doing to get a cat out of the tree and they must be willing to deal with nearly just as much as a doctor does. Truly, a Firefighter/Paramedic is the world’s serviceperson.

The military and the Swat Team I feel are self explanatory. These people put their lives on the line for various reasons, and they must be able to trust that those leading them wouldn’t have them doing anything unnecessarily dangerous. Truly, these people need to be prepared to put their lives on the line every single day and they may never see their families again at any given moment. 

A Teacher must be kind, patient, and well learned. This sounds simple and purely academic. And truly, when someone is prepared to undertake the amount of academics required to be a teacher at any grade than it is likely that this person also is patient and has the general traits that one needs to be a teacher. But, beyond that scope a teacher must typically be prepared to be far from rich and in these days live with the constant lack of job security despite how needed they are. Teachers will also deal with all sorts of people/children with many different needs that the teacher must meet the majority of. Truly, a Teacher has an extremely demanding job with little material to show for it.

Fisher/Freighter Captain/Truck driver are all different demanding jobs in the way of skills, but in what they require uniquely from an individual they are much the same. All of these professions require you to be on the move constantly, and likely away from your family a good chunk of the year or just a good chunk of your life. These jobs in will always be needed in the foreseeable future, and yet these jobs are some of the most family/friend taxing jobs there are. In order to go after these sorts of jobs you must be prepared to be alone a lot of the time, and while you might make good money from these jobs you’ll have little time to enjoy it anywhere but in the same place you earn it. Truly, to have these professions and a family requires some finesse, well deserved if maintained.

Photographers need some exclusive individual ability that few of us actually possess as well. Many in the world may view Photographers as something that everyone with a smartphone or fancy camera can do. But that is not so, Photographers are much like firefighters in that they must be able to please people in all sorts of ways. Lately, as finances have gotten tight in the world Photographers have taken on the role of wedding planners, food coordinators, flower decorators, and so fourth. While these jobs are not what their profession dictates, it is something that they are very capable at doing. Photographers must be able to capture our timeless moments without us saying they’re going to happen. They need to be on time, they need to capture us getting ready, they need to capture our tears, our smiles, and our love. Photographers are expected to be able to do all of these things as they are happening in different rooms all at the same time. Truly, to be a Photographer is both a stressful job as much as it is rewarding. For everything they capture, you can bet there was the question in the back of their mind as to whether or not they missed something slightly to the left.

Surgeon/Coroner again, both need very similar things for academically very different fields. Both of these fields need you to be comfortable with opening up a person and putting everything as it needs to be. These people need to also be very kind and understanding as they are meeting people at either the day they’ve lost someone tragically, or on a terrifying day where they’re afraid they may lose someone. Surgeons/Coroners needs to be very kind people and at the same time be perfectly comfortable literally putting people back together. Truly, these people possess a job that in my opinion, very few possess the fortitude for.

Presidents/Major Leaders are obviously found few and far between. These people need more skills and characteristics that define them as an individual more-so than the majority of other people. These people need to be strategic, kind, charitable, ruthless, confident with leading others, and so many more characteristics. The difficult part is that all of these are needed within one person to some degree or another. But, these leaders also need to be able to appeal to hundreds of thousands and millions of people in order to effectively lead them. The President of the U.S.A for example needs to be able to properly convey ideas to other politicians in order to get certain bills passed that the President believes to be vital/important. Truly, being a president is a very taxing job. This much is obvious, given that at any moment a small decision and seemingly unimportant can change the lives of millions of other people.

But, please keep in mind these are just a few of those life choices/careers that people choose to take that not everyone can choose to do. When it comes down to it, if you are one of those people that can do something that others cannot, you already know. You always have a choice as to what you do with your abilities, like we always do in life. But, as I am one of those people. The decision for me to do what others cannot is as clear to me as my deciding to not break the law on a daily basis. The option exists in reality for me to be something other than what I am, but to me it is a black and white decision. Like I choose to not break the law because to do so would be something that conflicts with everything I am, I choose to follow the path of a Firefighter/Paramedic to make a difference in other peoples lives where others cannot.

There are so many needed professions in the world that only a select few people can do. If you are one of those people that are sitting at home waiting for your 9-5 shift to start, ask yourself. Who am I? Am I the retail salesperson, or am I denying myself the fulfillment taking on that job other people can’t do. Doing what needs to be done because I am able, because it is who I am.

We all have things in life that fit us naturally, it is how the world and society work. These professions didn’t appear exclusively out of their necessity. People chose to do these jobs well before they were established in society. The academic material is out in the world for us to learn how to do what we are capable of without the risk our ancestors had to deal with. I can’t think of any reason that someone would want to be anything less than they are. Don’t hold yourself back.

My advice related to this post:

You are a natural at something, there is a talent, there is a field, there is a career that is your calling. When employers list the qualities needed in a person, when you go to that person or when you expect something of someone for a job. Those qualities are everything that you are. Go out into the world and live yourself, do what you were born to do.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.


Throughout my life, I’ve developed a very firm belief on this matter: If it is big to you, then it is a big problem. We are composed of so many chemicals that the slightest change can drastically alter us in ways that are unimaginable. We humans have developed for thousands of years at this point, but only in relative recent history have we started to live the way we do in buildings with very little activity required. Truly, the majority of the dangers that our ancestors went through are just non-existent now. Granted, we have our own new worries and dangers, but they are seldom as physically pressing.

The point of this intro is to highlight that we have evolved into who we are today, our bodies have not evolved to realize that some of the problems and pain that we go through may be trivial. Our body reacts as if everytime we are in a stressful situation or a mentally painful one, that it is very serious.

Obviously, there are problems that people, and children more often than adults will go through and they will react as if it is the most terrible thing that could ever have happened. Whereas, any reasonable adult will likely see that it is in fact, not a big deal. But, that doesn’t mean it isn’t actually a really big deal to the person involved. We have no way of being inside someone else’s head at any time for any reason, which means we have to trust people to a certain extent whether we want to or not.

A teenager going through the stages of breakup can feel a pain that feels very powerful and to them, it will be just as painful as someone else losing their loved one of some odd years of marriage. These things, are NOT the same. But, when it comes down to it, it might well feel the same. And this is before the person who has lost a loved one receives the support from other loved ones and the teenager is scoffed at for being upset over their recent loss. If they weren’t comparable beforehand, they certainly are after. Too often do I see that teenagers are given salt from their family’s and friends instead of helping them as most would do in what we consider a major event. Truly, it causes so many problems in the teenager when all it would take to let them know that it matters is just a few minutes of your time to listen to them.

But, all that aside.

The title of today’s post is “See through your eyes, and walk a day in someone else’s shoes.”

Simply put, you can always try to walk in someone else’s shoes, as we all should at some point. But you cannot see the world as they see it. You may only experience a fraction of what they do to hope to understand some of what their life is. There is no way for me to go through everything you do in a day and have anywhere near the same reaction. But, I can have a better understanding of why you do the things you do if I’ve done so.

The world is filled with great and terrible things, people who want to help, people needing help, and the two put together. In order to help people, you must always be prepared to listen to everything they are saying and genuinely care about their problem and making them feel better.

If your goal is simply: FEEL BETTER

That won’t work, you’re going to have to help someone with THEIR problem. Which, might just be that they lost their pink balloon to the vicious winds. It might also be that they’ve lost a close family member. The interesting thing to note about both of these examples: Most people don’t know what to say for either event!

It’s so easy to get tunnel vision when presented with something we see as trivial or detrimental, even though both problems can only have the same response. Genuinely listen, genuinely care, and just be there for them. Sometimes a new balloon can help, sometimes reminiscing with old movies may help. You never know, each person is different, and they see the world with an entirely different set of eyes. Even if you’re both wearing the same shoes. (If you both have the same problem.) Everything will be different for them than it was for you.

You can experience the exact same things as I have from birth, without any deviation from each-other, and yet you and I might be completely different people.

I’m so lost. What’s the point of this post?

The point of this post is this:

Everyone has a different world that they live in, even though we all live together in this one. No matter how you look at it, and no matter your intentions for someone else, the same problem/solution for you will have an entirely different outcome for someone else. So don’t try and approach everyone with the exact same train of thought. In order to be a people person, in order to help people, to make them smile, you must always approach people with an open mind and be willing to listen to them. Remember who they are, they are a unique person who you have not met. Even if they have all the same experiences as you do, they are not you.

A parting question if you’ll indulge:

Have you ever had tried to walk a day in someone else’s shoes? What was the outcome?

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Depression


The original slogan for my blog was “under-spoken topics at a glance” (or something very similar, my memory is hazy on the matter). I feel that depression is too often spoken about by people who know nothing about it. Which, in a way, means that it is always spoken about and yet never discussed.

There are people all over the world telling you the right way and the wrong way of dealing with depression and the right way and the wrong way of dealing with loved ones that are suffering from depression. It is a very difficult situation to be in for either party, and the last thing you want to be told is that you’re doing everything wrong. (Granted when you are doing something incorrectly, you do need to be made aware.)

This post is not for identifying whether or not you are depressed or suffer from depression. If you feel that you are, I urge you to seek help from family members as well as medical professionals.

Based on what I’ve come across in my lifetime, I’ve found that there are a few methods that assist in lessening the pain that bursts of depression can bring. These methods may or may not be popular, but they have worked in most cases that I’ve come across.

To assist someone who is depressed due to a seemingly random burst of depression:

  • Change gears with whatever is going on. You most likely don’t know what triggered the burst, but if you just entirely change whats going on around you and whomever is depressed, you are likely to avert a meltdown.
  • Maintain visual presence. To do this is somewhat difficult for both parties for different reasons. But it will be worth it in the long run. Sometimes it is helpful just to know that someone else is there. It assists in keeping the despair to a minimum.
  • Talk about irrelevant topics, this can help with keeping their mind occupied on mundane topics that aren’t likely to cause any stress, which in turn keeps their mind off of the X factor that caused the sudden depression.
  • If you’re a brave one and feel you know the person well, I suggest talking about problems they are having that you can help them resolve. (Please note, helping them resolve and resolving for them are two totally different things.)
  • Depending  on the person, suggesting an activity they enjoy could do the trick. Just make sure it isn’t something that has any negative attachments. (Ex: If the depressed person fears they overweight, you wouldn’t want to suggest baking a huge cake.)
  • Sometimes it helps to just listen. In my experience, people who are prone to explosive bursts of depression most likely keep the majority of their problems to themselves. This means they most likely don’t voice any of their problems and as a result may grow to feel that they should not. It can help the person greatly if you are just able to listen to them and make them recognize that their problems are important.

These are just a few things that have worked for me over the years when I have had to assist people with bursts of depression, but every person is different. My suggestion is to use this as more of a general guideline than a specific instruction.

Something to be aware of when assisting someone who is suffering from a bout of depression (this will obviously vary between people but is very common all the same): Be aware that, when dealing with someone with any level of depression, they are likely to create the most negative possible wording or understanding of anything you say. So, unless you are very good with your wording or are confident of your ability to assist someone, prolonged speech on your part is not suggested. Try to keep anything that you say to someone in a depressed state to a low word count. This will help you choose your words and have more impact.

And that’s all for today’s post! Hope everybody is having a great day.

Be kind, and do something nice for a stranger today.

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Be Yourself: Knowing when it’s time


Hey there, welcome to Monday’s post. While I don’t plan on doing this often, we’re continuing the point from the last post on Saturday – Be Yourself: Acceptance. The overall idea is that you should always be yourself. No matter what you feel is against you, being who you really are is one of the most important things for you to do in order to keep yourself happy with yourself. Please see the previous post if you haven’t already. Feel free to share both of these as well!

Knowing When It’s Time

“Breathe. Let go. And remind yourself that this very moment is the only one you know you have for sure. ”
~Oprah Winfrey~


Thanks to Oprah for the quote, very smart lady she is. My philosophy on pretty much all life matters is fairly simple. Life is too short to waste time being someone you’re not. This applies to everything for me, and while I suggest this for everyone I’m aware that not everyone is prepared to do that. I’ve had plenty of rough patches in my life, to the point where I can fully understand that misery is comfortable. It’s hard to want to change once you’ve been in a bad place for so long. But it’s still something that you’ve gotta do. You can’t avoid that eventually you need to dig yourself out of the muck and see what the world has to offer. Change is new, change is unknown, change can be very scary. Knowing all of this is part of knowing when it’s time to change.

Knowing when it’s time. That being the whole reason for this post. How do you know when it’s time? What do you do when that time comes? You know it’s time when you look at this page. When you begin to wonder what you’re doing in your life. You know it’s time when you’re able to step outside of the box you’ve been trapped in.

There are millions of ways to help yourself be better, but they all need to start with the same foundation. You’ll never be able  to live happily, you’ll never be able to do anything you want in life unless you are, in the purest sense of the word, yourself.

That’s not to say that you can’t accomplish certain things when you are posing as another person. I’m sure you can. Anyone anywhere in the world can find successes if they look hard enough. But there is a key thing to note in a situation like this; you have to look for your successes. When you are being who you are, doing what wish to be doing, being who you wish to be with – when you live your life as you – you do not need to look for success.  You are success.

At the center of your being you have the answer; you know who you are and you know what you want.
~Lao Tzu~

There is, as always, a decent amount of explanation needed with all things to do with helping yourself. Before you can truly begin to change or “heal” yourself, you must always understand from where the problem originates. So, while it is in theory very simple to know when it is time to leave the shell that you’ve been allowing others to control, it’s not always as simple as it sounds. You know it’s time once you’ve made the conscious thought recognizing that you are not being the person that you know you are at your core. Below are a few instances that would highlight that you’re ready to leave behind someone else’s shadow and be your own person.

  • When your actions conflict with your thoughts
  • When you experience “Same Motions” boredom (If you’re being who you are and doing what you love, this won’t happen)
  • When you find yourself getting irritated with yourself
  • When you feel shame for who you see yourself as
  • When you’re not inspired to do anything in your life

If you ever have any of these thoughts, it’s time. There will of course be infinitely more, it’s up to you to recognize the difference of your situation to the general situations that I’m able to give here. Don’t let yourself stay trapped just because you don’t see your specific situation listed as an example. Stop for a moment and examine yourself. Are you who you want to be? Do you decide what you do in your life, or do you allow someone else to dictate what you do?

Yeah, there are some good reasons for me to move forward but…

  • “People won’t like me if I’m different.”
  • “I can’t afford the risk. Life isn’t good, but I can handle it.”
  • “My Significant Other won’t think of me the same.”
  • “Well, people don’t influence me that much…”
  • “I’m usually myself, I have to be someone else to get places.”
  • “Being like this is better than myself.”

These are EXCUSES, not reasons. Do not confuse them.

If a person is upset enough, their mind will turn on them in vicious ways to keep them down. You can be your own worst enemy if you make a point to be a strong person. You must have the courage to be yourself. When you can dismiss your own excuses for why you shouldn’t, that is when it’s time. Clear the obstacles that you create and you will be able to move forward.

When you’re able to put everything together – when you don’t have excuses, when you see that you’re not behaving like you feel you should, when you start to really think about where you are in life and how you’re not happy there – these are all very good signs that you are ready. You will always be your biggest opposition to self improvement. Overcome yourself and everything that comes after will be much easier.

Let me know what you do to recognize when you’re ready to truly be yourself and how you accept yourself. I’d love to hear from you and see what your friends feel about these posts. Share and share alike!

Be kind, do something nice for a stranger today.

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Be yourself: Acceptance


Hello there! I’d like to thank the wonderful Cadence Gamache for creating ComplicatedMadeSimple’s new header. Please let me know what you think of it below in the comments! 🙂

Today’s post will primarily focus on accepting who you are. Choosing to be yourself is a very large topic, and for that reason I’m going to break it up into a number of posts with a primary focus. As such, since accepting who you are is a sub topic for being yourself, there will be other sub topics mentioned today that I will not fully elaborate on until later. But rest assured! I will elaborate in the fullest detail that I am able.

Be Yourself

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

Thanks to Dr. Seuss for the quote.

Being yourself sounds rather simple, and while I wish it was it’s something so many of us lose in our day to day routines. It may be subtle at first, but before you can even begin to realize what’s happening, you’ve become someone else. Its easy to forget who you are if you’re not vigilant; as an example: it can be as simple as lighting a cigarette when you’re just the sort of person who wouldn’t smoke. No special reasons, its just not something you do. There are plenty of examples out there, feel free to think of one more personalized to you, I’m sure that there are many. Its as simple as choosing to wear formal attire when you simply don’t just to impress someone. It really can be anything at all, the first steps to losing yourself are always small, and almost always overlooked.

If you’ll indulge me, I’d like you to take a moment to look at your life for a moment now.

  • Do you find yourself doing things that you’re not entirely comfortable with? 
  • Do you try to impress people doing what you think they’d want?
  • Do you change your clothes from what you’d like to what you’re expected to wear?
  • Have you ever had to hold your tongue to keep from speaking your mind because you feel your words are undesired?
  • Do you frequently feel out of place, a person in a suit in a sea full of penguins?(Your colors are the same, but that’s where the similarities end.)

This list of questions could go on forever, feel free to ask yourself more your situation appropriate questions, these are just some examples to get the gears moving inside your mind.

The point of asking yourself these questions is so that you may identify your situation. It’s easy to overlook personal matters like this one. It’s not so much that we’re trained to lose ourselves as it is we’re trained to be obedient. This can have its uses, you can make a very good peon in the grand scheme of things, or if you break through the mold and keep yourself or find yourself again. You can live a very fulfilling life creating your own energy and being your own source of happiness. Pretty nice idea, right?

It certainly is!

Alright, I’ve identified that I am not behaving how I’d like to. I want to be me, but I’ve forgotten who I am. How do I find myself?

Assuming you’d ask yourself a question like the one above, then there are plenty of ways to find yourself once more. The first steps are ALWAYS the hardest. I promise you that! That’s not to say that the entire road may not be more difficult, but once you are past the first ones, the rest will fall into place.

An Example:  You have had a 50lb burden upon you your whole life, when you suddenly lift this burden you find yourself much lighter. The simple movement of walking may become too easy. It becomes very easy to stumble, fall, scrape yourself, and generally lose sight of where your feet are.

Be Yourself: Acceptance

You’ve probably realized by now whether or not you are yourself or just someone else’s idea of who you are. If you are yourself, then hurrah! I am happy for you, however if you’re not then good news is ahead for you! You can be yourself, and like everything worthwhile in life it takes effort.

You are who you are, you must be happy with yourself, and you cannot allow outside judgement to influence who you are. To do so means that you are being someone other than yourself. It’s not always a bad thing, and usually other people have only the best intentions with their judgments. But you must accept who you are, and be who you are.

Okay, thats simple enough. Be me, don’t be what other people tell me that I am. Be who I am as dictated by me. But I still don’t know who I am.

That’s totally okay! The world is filled with people trying to find themselves, and it may take you awhile to truly find out who you are. But in trying to find yourself, you are going to be yourself for the duration and you will become your own person. Being yourself is as simple as it is complicated. There are entire books dedicated to being yourself, it is a great topic to fully explore, and I urge you to do so if you’re the sort that enjoys to read. I’ve always enjoyed it myself.

In the end however, it comes down to this: You must be able to accept who you are. It’s a respectable quality. The person who is always nice, accepts that they are a very nice person. It will have drawbacks, they may be “walked all over”. People may abuse the kindness that is given, but depending on the person, they know that will happen and they accept that their person is a very kind if not too kind person. It will happen.

The person who is opposite of this is true as well, if you are a person who is filled only with mean and negative thoughts. It will show, you will be a very mean person no doubt. And people will not like you because of it, and that is okay if that is who you are. You are exactly who you are, and there is no other person you should be than you. The mean person will accept that people will not like them, and they will still be the same mean person that they are. This person will not be shaken by people disliking them.

Being who you are is tricky, you must be steadfast in your beliefs. You must know your beliefs, you must know what type of person you are in your core. When it comes to the thick of it, you have always been who you are at your core, all you need to do is sync up your core with your exterior. Those close to you know your core, those less so only know your exterior. When these two things match up, the unintentional secrets you have will cease to exist. Your life will become less burdened, and overall, you’ll become a much happier person.

Its a terrible feeling to feel as though you don’t belong, its even worse to feel that you must hide who you are to belong anywhere. When you accept, and embrace who you are.

*Core person: The person you are deep inside, there may be many layers that you show the world, you may react differently on a situation to situation basis. But deep down, this is the type of person you are. Through it all, in the very best and very worst situations, this factor does not change. Most people have developed their “Core” responses by the time they’re 10 I’ve found. To date, if you know a person well enough, you most likely know their “Core” person even if they themselves do not. Query: Do you know your Core self? Or someone else’s? Let me and the readers know in the comments below.

When you take a moment to evaluate yourself, your life, your level of contentment, you know fairly quickly if you are doing, if you are being, if you’re behaving, and overall if you are living the life you want to live. Don’t be afraid of the unknown, don’t be afraid to lose those that don’t matter. Life always finds a way of sorting itself out if you put in the effort.

The next post will continue Be Yourself: Knowing when its time.

Be kind, do something nice for a stranger today.

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